Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Bad Advertising Part II



I can get the WHOLE mall for $99?

Saturday, February 18, 2006

BAD ADVERTISING!

Friday, instead of being for odd news, will be my chance to rip bad advertising. So here is victim number one!


They're not just regular initials. They're personalized initials. Custom personalized initials.
Oh, wait, they aren't even initials. They're "intials". My mistake.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Belated Whatever Wednesday & Thursday Thoughts


Nobody I know now, ever knew me in high school, so here is a back to the future moment.
This is me, a junior on my band trip to the Bahamas. I am singing Kareokee on our cruise ship.
A special prize to the person that can give me either the artist or the song I am singing. I will give the person who can give me both 10.00. Good Luck.

Thursday Thoughts

1. Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

2. Why do os shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?

3. Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

4. Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

5. If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow,
do you have to make up that day in June?

6. Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

7. Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?

8. If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

9. You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?

10. Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Tribute Tuesday

William Post III (66) Pennsylvania man who won a $16.2 million jackpot and bitterly called it the lottery of death after his life turned sour, who started various businesses with siblings that failed, saw his sixth wife move out and his brother be convicted of trying to kill him, and was sued by his landlady and some-times girlfriend for one-third of his winnings, who was also convicted of assault for firing a shotgun over the head of a man who came to his mansion to collect a bill in the early 1990s, and who was left with about $1 million after all bills and debts where paid off, died of respiratory failure in Seneca, Pennsylvania on January 15, 2006.

If you have ever thought to yourself why can't I just win the Lottery, then you can share in this tribute and thank your lucky stars! Money is not the key to ANY problem. Open a Bible to find that.

So I give a one million, piano falls on your head, two million, mauled by a grizzly bear, three million, get rare disease and have to amputate all apendages salute to William Post III.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Minute Monday

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Congradulations! All though you could have spent it doing something a whole lot more productive than counting.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Wacky Uses Weekend

Lipton® Tea Bags

1. Deodorize your feet. Boil three or four Lipton Flo-Thru Tea Bags in one quart of water for ten minutes. Add enough cold water to make a comfortable soak. Soak your feet for twenty to thirty minutes, then dry and apply food powder. Do this twice a day until odor is under control. Then continue twice a week to keep odor under control. Tannin, which can be found in tea, is a drying agent.

2. Dye graying white fabrics. If Clorox bleach won't whiten a graying white garment, soak the item in hot, strong brewed Lipton Tea until it is a shade darker than you desire. Then rinse in cold water and let dry.

3. Highlight brown hair. Rinse red or brown hair with brewed Lipton Tea for golden highlights.

4. Relieve sunburn pain. Pat your sunburn with wet Lipton Flo-Thru Tea Bags.

5. Accelerate the germination of grass seeds. Mix two tablespoons of cold, strong brewed Lipton Tea into each pound of seed, cover, and set in the refrigerator for five days. Before sowing, spread the seed to dry for a day or two on newspapers on the garage or basement floor.

6. Deodorize stuffy rooms. Mix one quart brewed Lipton Tea and four tablespoons ReaLemon, strain through a Mr. Coffee Filter, and store in empty spray bottles.

7. Soothe a sore throat or laryngitis. Drink brewed Lipton Tea with ReaLemon or SueBee Honey.

8. Invigorate house plants. Water ferns and other houseplants once a week with a weak, tepid brewed Lipton Tea.

9. Polish black lacquer. Wash black lacquer pieces with strong brewed Lipton Tea, then wipe dry with a soft cloth.

10. Help relieve diarrhea. Drink plenty of Lipton Tea and eat toast. The tannin in tea is reported to be helpful in cases of diarrhea, while its liquid replaces fluids lost by the body.

11. Soothe tired eyes. Place Lipton Flo-Thru Tea Bags soaked in cool water or lukewarm water over your eyes for at least fifteen minutes.

12. Soothe a burn. Apply wet Lipton Flo-Thru Tea Bags directly to the burn, or secure in place with gauze.

13. Stop gums from bleeding after having a tooth pulled. Press a cool, moist Lipton Flo-Thru Tea Bag against the cavity with your finger.

14. Fix a broken fingernail. Cut a piece of gauze paper from a Lipton Flo-Thru Tea Bag to fit the nail, coat with Maybelline Crystal Clear Nail Polish, and press gently against the break. Then cover with colored nail polish.

15. Clean varnished woodwork. Cold Lipton Tea is a good cleaning agent for any kind of woodwork.

16. Tenderize meat. Add equal parts strong brewed Lipton Tea and double strength beef stock to a tough pot roast or stew. The tannin in tea is a natural meat tenderizer

Stephen McBroom in no way guarantees any of these uses or can be held responsible for the use of them.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Freaky Friday

Baby feeds on dog's milk Reuters - Thu Feb 9, 8:57 AM ET
DAR ES SALAAM (Reuters) - A Tanzanian mother went into hysterics when she found her six month-old baby suckling dog's milk, a local daily reported Thursday.
Burglar steals police car from station Reuters - Thu Feb 9, 8:58 AM ET
BERLIN (Reuters) - Detectives in Germany were dumbstruck after a man they had just booked for burglary walked out of the police station and drove off in one of their cars, authorities said Wednesday.
Olympic team still waiting for lost luggage Reuters - Thu Feb 9, 8:58 AM ET
MADRID (Reuters) - The Spanish Winter Olympic team have got off to an unfortunate start to the Games with several members of the 31-strong squad still waiting for their luggage to turn up after arriving in Turin Monday.
Ban rock concerts and football games? Reuters - Thu Feb 9, 8:58 AM ET
DES MOINES, Iowa (Reuters) - An Iowa sheriff's decision to hand out tickets instead of arrests for small amounts of marijuana invited a lawmaker's slap that it would be simpler to ban rock concerts and football games.
Solitaire Game Gets NYC Worker Fired AP - Fri Feb 10, 9:54 AM ET
NEW YORK - Mayor Michael Bloomberg isn't playing games — after he saw a game of solitaire on a city employee's computer screen, he fired him.
Berlusconi says he's like Napoleon, only taller Reuters - 24 minutes ago
ROME (Reuters) - Italy's Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi said on Friday only Napoleon had done more for his country but boasted he was taller than the French emperor.
Colorado Woman Delivers Baby in a Toilet AP - Fri Feb 10, 6:37 AM ET
LITTLETON, Colorado - A premature baby survived after being delivered in a toilet, police said.
Islanders comb beach for washed-up shoe cargo Reuters - 5 minutes ago
AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Thousands of sports shoes washed up onto a Dutch island on Friday after a passing container ship lost part of its cargo, attracting hundreds of local residents anxious to find their size.
3-Feet-Tall Woman Has Healthy Son AP - Fri Feb 10, 11:46 AM ET
PALO ALTO, Calif. - A woman who is 3 feet tall and weighed 37 pounds before she got pregnant has given birth to her first child — a healthy boy.
Bolivia minister wants coca fed to school children Reuters - 1 hour, 26 minutes ago
LA PAZ, Bolivia (Reuters) - Bolivia's foreign minister says coca leaves, the raw material for cocaine, are so nutritious they should be included on school breakfast menus.
Woman Whistles Through Her Toes AP - Thu Feb 9, 9:22 PM ET
NEW YORK - One Oklahoma woman might get cold feet if she comes to New York and tries to hail a cab. But Betty Bell will have to do just that if she's going to whistle.
Japanese said "feeding whale meat to dogs" Reuters - 1 hour, 33 minutes ago
LONDON (Reuters) - Japan's stock of whale meat from hunting for scientific research is so large that the country has begun selling it as dog food, a leading marine conservation organisation said on Friday.
Burglar Eats, Watches TV and Checks E-Mail AP - Thu Feb 9, 6:13 PM ET
WEST BEND, Wis. - Authorities are seeking a burglar who allegedly took the time to make coffee, cook and eat meals, take showers, pick out a change of clothes, watch television and check his e-mail while inside three rural Washington County homes this month.
Cabbie reunited with fare-dodger Reuters - Fri Feb 10, 11:41 AM ET
BERLIN (Reuters) - After dodging a cab fare, the last thing a man in Germany expected was to be reunited with his victim when he phoned for another taxi, police said on Friday.
Philly Bus Driver Tosses Woman Off Bus AP - Thu Feb 9, 5:26 PM ET
PHILADELPHIA - A transit bus driver grabbed a woman by the hair, knocked her head into a pole, opened the door and tossed her into traffic after she yelled at him for missing her stop, police said.
Man jailed for mass looting of ticket machines Reuters - Fri Feb 10, 9:00 AM ET
BERLIN (Reuters) - A city clerk in Germany who stole around 1 million euros ($1.20 million) worth of coins from parking ticket machines has been sentenced to over four years in prison, a court in the western city of Aachen said on Friday.
Cricketers in 'Haunted House' Get Injured AP - Thu Feb 9, 9:32 PM ET
WELLINGTON, New Zealand - Five first-class cricketers sharing an alleged haunted house in the South Island city of Dunedin have been hit by a "spooky" run of injuries since taking up residence in the former home for the terminally ill.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Thursday's Thoughts

1. If a baseball player hits a home run over the fence, but then dies before he can
run around the bases, does the home run count?

2. If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness
worse than a general illness?

3. Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn't it be better than
root beer floats?

4. Why is there never a full English dinner or tea but there is always a full English
breakfast?

5. What is the point in saying "may I ask" and then follow it up with a question?

6. Is it possible to be allergic to water?

7. When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court do they have to tell
the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God?

8. Why do cats like to dig their paws into something before they lay down on it?

9. If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing
the gum, or also for swallowing it?

WHAT EVER WEDNESDAY!



These are the three ads that I came up with for our recent wedding show. I came up with the concept of someone letting Uncle Bob have control over the most imporant parts of their wedding. The idea is that you wouldn't let Uncle Bob buy your dress, rings, or cake; why let him shoot your wedding video. They were a big hit at the show.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Tribute Tuesday

Ok, I know, What a change in the format already!

Yes, mainly because I have this first letter of the day thing going and TW doesn't work. Now TT does. So needless to say Tribute Wednesday is now Tribute Tuesday.

Tom Nugent (92) football coach credited with developing the I formation at Virginia Military Institute who later coached at Florida State and Maryland, who was also credited with creating the typewriter huddle where players stood in two rows rather than a circle while plays were being called, who was a head coach for 17 years and was a member of the College Football Hall of Fame for his innovations, died of congestive heart failure in Tallahassee, Florida on January 19, 2006.

If you have ever played football, either for real or on a game system, you can share in this tribute.

I give a DOWN SET HUT HUT!, salute to...

Tom Nugent!

Monday, February 06, 2006

Miracle Monday

Monday will be devoted to Miracles that happen throught out the week.

This week goes to the Pittsburg Steelers!

That's right, the Super Bowl Champion Pittsburg Steelers!

Why, you ask.

Let's Put it this way if you look at the stats to yesterdays Super Bowl, you will see that it was nothing short of a Miracle that the Steelers won.

How does a team lose when it outgains an opponent by 57 yards, controls time of possession and wins the turnover battle?

EASY! A MIRACLE (in the form of the worst referee performance in Super Bowl history)

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Wacky Uses Weekend

Every Weekend I will give you an object and some wacky uses for it.

Today...

Crayola® Chalk

1.Prevent an ant invasion. Draw a line of Crayola Chalk around windows and doors outside your home, and around water pipes inside your home. Ants will not cross a chalk line.

2.Clean ring-around-the-collar. Mark the stain heavily with white Crayola Chalk. The chalk will absorb the sebum oil that holds in the dirt.

3.Prevent silverware from tarnishing. Place a piece of Crayola Chalk in your silver chest to absorb moisture.

4.Cover spots on white suede. Rub with Crayola chalk.
Prevent tools from rusting. Place a few pieces of Crayola Chalk in your toolbox to absorb moisture.

5.Prevent dampness in a closet. Tie together a handful of Crayola Chalk and hang the bundle from the clothes rod to absorb moisture.

6.Prevent a screwdriver from slipping. Rub Crayola Chalk on the tip.

7.Polish marble and metal. Pulverize a few sticks of Crayola Chalk with a mortar and pestle until it is a fine powder. Dip a soft cloth in the powder, wipe the marble or metal, then rinse with clear water, and dry thoroughly.

8.Fill a hole in a plaster wall. Insert a piece of Crayola Chalk into the hole, cut it off even with the wall, then plaster.

9.Repel slugs. Slugs will not cross a chalk line.

10.Remove grease. Rub Crayola Chalk on a grease spot on clothing or table linens, let it absorb the oil, then brush off. Launder as usual.

11.Draw on sidewalks. Create games, maps, and adventures.

12.Prevent costume jewelry from tarnishing. Place a piece of Crayola Chalk in your jewelry box.

Stephen McBroom in no way guarantees any of these uses or can be held resposible for the use of them.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Freaky Friday

Reuters - 1 hour, 13 minutes ago
TORONTO (Reuters) - Duckbilled dinosaurs of about 90 million years ago had huge crests with complex nasal passages, and used them to honk sexual and social messages, according to a new study in the journal Paleobiology.
Teen investigated for homework threat to Bush Reuters - 1 hour, 13 minutes ago
PROVIDENCE, Rhode Island (Reuters) - The U.S. Secret Service on Thursday said it was investigating a Rhode Island student who wrote a rambling essay advocating violence against U.S. President George W. Bush and major U.S. corporations.
Whale soul for sale -- one tragic owner Reuters - 1 hour, 12 minutes ago
LONDON (Reuters) - It used to be a practice confined to pacts with the devil, but now an anonymous vendor in America is offering to sell the soul of the London whale.
159 mph? That's where we draw the line.. Reuters - Thu Feb 2, 10:46 AM ET
LONDON (Reuters) - A British traffic officer caught driving at 159 mph but cleared by a court of speeding and dangerous driving faces a legal move at the High Court in London Wednesday to convict him.
I'm here for my prescription, and 6,000 cookies Reuters - Thu Feb 2, 10:45 AM ET
AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - The Dutch city of Groningen looks set to open the Netherlands' first pharmacy totally dedicated to providing high quality cannabis for pain relief at affordable prices, a newspaper reported Wednesday.
Australia at Risk of a Bed Bug 'Pandemic' AP - Fri Feb 3, 7:34 AM ET
SYDNEY, Australia - Planning a vacation to Australia? Consider bringing your own bedsheets. Pest control operators have reported a 1,000 percent increase over the last four years in the number of bed bug infestations reported and treated, according to Stephen Doggett, a head scientist with the Department of Medical Entomology at Sydney's Westmead hospital.
Whale soul for sale -- one tragic owner Reuters - 1 hour, 31 minutes ago
LONDON (Reuters) - It used to be a practice confined to pacts with the devil, but now an anonymous vendor in America is attempting to sell the soul of the London whale.
Alleged Burglar Gets Stuck in Oven Vent AP - Thu Feb 2, 8:40 PM ET
ORLANDO, Fla. - An alleged burglar was rescued Thursday after he got stuck overnight in the oven vent of the convenience store he was trying to rob, the fire department said.
Pregnancy test may lie behind deadly frog fungus Reuters - Thu Feb 2, 8:43 PM ET
POTCHEFSTROOM, South Africa (Reuters) - What do an old pregnancy test for women and a mysterious fungus that is killing frogs have in common?
Naked Man Charges Two Moving Cars in Wis. AP - Thu Feb 2, 10:04 PM ET
WITTENBERG, Wis. - Authorities had no trouble locating the suspect after getting a call about a pedestrian attacking two moving cars. He was the one with no clothes.
Aged Irish beef gets the chop from Bulgarians Reuters - Fri Feb 3, 9:00 AM ET
SOFIA (Reuters) - Twenty-year-old Irish beef which may have been making its way to the processed food industry has been impounded in Bulgaria, which is toughening up food safety standards under pressure from the European Union.
Leaping Crocodile Slams Into Car AP - Thu Feb 2, 10:08 PM ET
SYDNEY, Australia - A 6.5-foot saltwater crocodile leapt out of a roadside culvert and slammed into the side of a passing car, authorities said Thursday.
Boat girl speaks of affection for Chirac Reuters - 2 hours, 13 minutes ago
PARIS (Reuters) - When Jacques Chirac offered a weeping Anh-Dao Duong his handkerchief at a Paris airport in 1979, a lifelong bond was created between the future French leader and the Vietnamese boat girl.
Cargo Worker Sleeps, Wakes Up in Turkey AP - Thu Feb 2, 5:12 PM ET
ISTANBUL, Turkey - It was a short flight, and Muhammet Ahmet Mursi slept almost the whole way. No leg room complaints. No cramped seats. No annoying intercom announcements.
Bed-bug epidemic bites at Australian tourism Reuters - Fri Feb 3, 1:04 AM ET
SYDNEY (Reuters) - Australia is suffering a bed-bug epidemic with the tourism industry losing an estimated A$100 million (42 million pounds) a year because of the blood-sucking insects, according to a new entomology study.
Karate Experts Hired to Control Parrots AP - Thu Feb 2, 10:17 PM ET
WELLINGTON, New Zealand - Organizers of a vintage car rally have hired karate experts to protect vehicles from marauding native parrots, a media report said Friday.
Ronaldinho is no sinner, says Archbishop of Barcelona Reuters - Fri Feb 3, 9:13 AM ET
MADRID (Reuters) - The Archbishop of Barcelona has intervened in the controversy surrounding Ronaldinho's red card against Real Zaragoza in the King's Cup, saying the Brazilian was unjustly punished.
Man, 82, Arrested in Scuffle Over Skunk AP - Thu Feb 2, 9:09 PM ET
NOVATO, Calif. - An 82-year-old animal lover was arrested this week on allegations he grabbed and brandished a trapper's revolver during a scuffle over the skunk.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Thursday's Thoughts

Thursday will be devoted to things that seem a bit odd or just haven't been explained to me.

1. Do they put underwear on corpses?

2. Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on?

3. If a vampire were Jewish would his Sabbath start at sunrise?

4. Why do child labor laws not prohibit children from acting in movies?

5. If your eyes are crossed, do your tears fall straight?

6. Is the vice president's wife called the second lady?

7. Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

8. Can you "zone out" and be "in the zone" at the same time?

9. Why does jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it
"gels" the scent virtually disappears?

10. Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Tribute Wednesday

Franky Gee (43) Cuban-born dance music artist better known to his European fans as Captain Jack, who was a former US soldier and one-time German stock broker who went on to enjoy a 10-year career in which he sold more than 7 million albums and singles, died of a brain hemorrhage while in Spain on October 22, 2005

If you have ever done DDR you can share in this tribute. I had no idea he had died. So for Tribute Wednesday,

I give a left, right, front and back, left and up, right and left salute to..

Captain Jack!

Fine! I'm Back I hope your happy!

Ok, since I will never be able to be truley free from the Blog world, I guess I mine as well live in it! So here I am posting my first post. Who knows how long that has been. I am excited, yet some how defeated. I thought I would be able to refrain from the blogging world but it's to strong and I have given in. I will develop a format for this Blog, much like inlows, but uniquly different. I will try to be interesting, but I make NO PROMISES. So here I go again on my own, going down the only road I ever known, like a drifter I was born to walk alone, but I made up my mind, I ain't waisting no more time, here I go again. HERE I GO AGAIN!